WARNING SIGNS: Carl O’Vanity, Former Primetime Host of “The Howl!” on Coyote News

Excerpt from "COVIDsteria: An Oral History of America's Great Reset" - see https://covidsteria.substack.com/p/covidsteria-table-of-contents

Love them or hate them, the Coyote News Network was once a media force to be reckoned with. And Carl O’Vanity was the star of their Primetime lineup. It was his show that pioneered the most popular primetime cable news show format.  

Like Fredo Ratto, Carl would only agree to meet me privately and in the undisclosed location where he lives. I was more than happy to accommodate his wishes to have a chance to chat with him about his glory days at Coyote News.  

Although Carl had aged only modestly since I last saw him on TV, there was something odd about his nose that I had never noticed before when he was on TV. He also had scars on his cheek that must have gotten covered by makeup, or they happened after his TV days…

You would think I was from flyover country given how I had such a prominent role as a conservative primetime host on the Coyote News network! After all, only flyover country people watched my show! 

But I was born in New York City and raised in Southern California and Inside the Beltway in Washington DC as my father held prominent jobs in the business and political worlds. In other words, my family was always very much part of the elite who ran the country! That also meant I attended pretty elite private schools all during my childhood before graduating from Yale University with a liberal arts degree and from Harvard with an MBA.

My father helped me to land a job at one of the few conservative magazines that made up the small conservative media universe at the time. Later on, he got me in with the fledgling Coyote News network as he played golf with the owners.

And boy were those early years and decades at Coyote News heady days – especially when the network took off and became a media force to be reckoned with! Back then, the dream of every conservative activist in flyover country or working in Washington DC was to land a big book deal and an appearance on a primetime Coyote News show like “The Howl!” And if your first appearance had good ratings or you were also highly photogenic, or buxom, or hmmm… the type of guest who got along well with our producers or a host like me who was always willing to help a pretty young conservative with her career… [He winks.]

It might lead to regular appearances or even a full-time gig somewhere on Coyote News! And if you got extra good ratings, you eventually landed a show on the network as I did! 

The ultimate goal was to do what I did and host one of the primetime conservative shows. That was the only time when conservative flyover country viewers had any time to watch TV. You were guaranteed a massive audience and a fat paycheck that goes with the high advertising rates for bedding and pharma drugs! That is when you made it and had the small world of conservative media and thought as your oyster! I mean, there would be more book deals, paid speaking gigs, and free conference cruises to exotic locales because you were the keynote speaker! [He smiles.]

Oh, and then there were all of those buxom conservative college interns from flyover country who would intern for your show or network… [He smiles again.]

And, of course, all of those pretty conservative young activists who would do anything to get on your show to talk about conservatism, peddle their books, or whatever their shtick was. And I mean they would do anything… [He takes a deep breath and exhales.]

That was always the best part about being a primetime Coyote News star host. I never had to wait. And when you are a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. You could even grab them by the… [He suddenly pauses in deep thought. Then he smiles.]