COVID SPRING: Anonymous, Georgia Hog Farmer & Capitol Siege Participant (Attacker)

Excerpt from "COVIDsteria: An Oral History of America's Great Reset" - see https://covidsteria.substack.com/p/covidsteria-table-of-contents

Only Georgia's big cities or certain suburbs or college towns were hit hard by the Great Die-Off. However, the entire state had borne the brunt of the purges and subsequent COVID Spring battles. Atlanta was a smoldering ruin and even more devastated than after Sherman left it to march to the sea. But unlike after the first Civil War, nobody now saw any need or point in rebuilding the ruined city.

I interviewed a Georgia hog farmer who had taken part in many COVID Spring battles across the South on the front porch of his farm over beer and a peach pie freshly made by his girlfriend. He naturally chews tobacco which sometimes made him difficult to understand…

When that Chinese Kung Flu hit, I did not worry or pay much attention to it. I was always too busy running my hog farm and taking care of my kid and girlfriend. My part of Georgia did not even bother to lockdown. And most of us sure as hell were not walking around wearing those stupid face diapers or doing that social distancing nonsense. 

I never followed politics much either. Heck, I did not even bother to vote in that last special election we had in Georgia. I mean, what difference does it make? All politicians are or end up being the same when they go to Washington DC.

But then the new Administration, or rather Team Sciencey, announced their anal swabbing mandate. And I was thinking, “What the hell is that all about?” 

I am no scientist or medical doctor! I am a Georgia good ol' boy who never finished high school! But I don’t need a fancy college degree to know that the Chinese Kung Flu was a respiratory virus. Why would the government look for a Chinese respiratory virus by anal swabbing people? That is not how I look for respiratory viruses with my hogs! [He frowns angrily.]

So I started listening to Talk Radio all day while feeding and cleaning up after my hogs. Almost every host or guest said, “Trust the plan!” over and over again. “Just trust the plan!” So I thought, “Ok, good, the conservatives have a plan to stop the government from anal swabbing me! There is absolutely nothing to worry about!”

And then the Ninth Circus Court ruled that anal swabbing was constitutional. So I turned on Talk Radio again, and everyone was saying, “Do not worry, we have the Supreme Court!” But I started to worry. After all, the Supreme Court had upheld the not-so-Affordable Care Act that forced me to pay $600 a month for a $6,000 deductible insurance policy because I am a self-employed hog farmer! 

I was lucky I never married my girlfriend! She is a hairdresser getting paid in cash. She qualified for a nice fat subsidy as a single mother with a “low income” to get herself and my kid some health insurance.

And then, all of a sudden, the Supreme Court ruled the anal swabbing mandate was a tax and fully constitutional! [He shakes his head, and another look of anger appears on his face.]

The worst part was having to listen to some so-called conservative swabhole politician say that anal swabbing was “no longer a political debate.” And how it was now time to “move on to more important political debates, like additional tax cuts for the American people!” 

Now let me tell you something! [He spits out some tobacco juice and points his index finger at me as his neck starts to turn red.]

Did my swabhole government or any swabhole politician ever ask me if I wanted another stinking tax cut? No, they did not ask me! I did not want another stinking tax cut from my swabhole government or any swabhole politician! What I wanted was not to have my swabhole government anal swab me, my girlfriend, or my kid for some stupid Chinese Kung Flu! I bet those swabholes politicians all exempted themselves from the anal swabbing mandate – just like they all did with the not-so-Affordable Care Act!  

Then that hot Thai woman got dragged off a plane for being like Rosa Parks, and refusing to give up her seat to be anally swabbed by the swabhole government! Even though that Kung Flu came from Asia, that Thai hottie did not deserve to get treated like that! And I started asking myself just what the hell was going on in this swabhole country? I mean, were we turning into North Korea? [His neck turns redder, and he spits out some tobacco juice.]

I was so angry about the anal swabbing mandate that I spent $29.95 to buy Swabholes: How the Left is Swabbing America!. The book opened my eyes to what the left was doing to this country and Georgia good ol’ boys like me in particular! [His neck is now completely red.]

So I would listen to Talk Radio all day while feeding and cleaning up after my hogs. Every host and all the callers were going ballistic over Chinese Kung Flu anal swabbing! [His neck turns redder, and he spits out more tobacco juice.]

Then I would go back to my home and turn on Coyote News to watch “The Howl.” They were practically having cage matches and gladiator fights every single night over Chinese Kung Flu anal swabbing! [His neck turns even redder.]

So then I would turn on Ostrich News Network (ONN) to find out what bullshit anal swabbing propaganda the mainstream media wanted me to believe. That stupid Fredo Ratto clown would be saying there was “absolutely nothing to worry about” and to “trust science!” when the government anal swabbed you because the swab was only 3 to 4 inches long! That made me even more livid! I mean, 3 to 4 inches long is not a small swab! It will make you walk like a penguin afterward! [His neck is flaming red.]

And why was the special 3 to 4 inch long anal swab used by the government shaped like a sickle? Was I the only person in America who thought that might have something to do with that mad scientist Dr. Sickle? [His face starts to turn red, and he spits out more tobacco juice.]

And that stupid Fredo clown would also say shit like, “All Americans need to be ready to do their part to stop COVIDsteria by bending over to be anal swabbed if they do not want to kill grandma or marginalized people!” [His entire face turns red.]

But what bothered me the most was when I would get my kid ready for school in the morning. I would turn on PTV and see that crazy Science Person bending over and being anal swabbed on live TV! He, she, whatever that person’s pronoun, would then tell school children there was “absolutely nothing to worry about” when the public schools anal swabbed you before classes every morning! [His face turns even redder, and he spits out even more tobacco juice.]

I was incensed! If I did not want the swabhole government anal swabbing me, I sure as hell did not want them anal swabbing my kid either! I was also angry at the swabhole Teachers’ Unions for refusing to go back to their classrooms unless my kid got anal swabbed every morning before school! [His whole face is blood red, and he pauses to calm down.]

There is only so much anal swabbing by the swabhole government that an American man and a Georgia good ol' boy can take before he goes postal on them! [He shakes his head and frowns angrily.]

What did you think of the nDNA vaccine? 

Well, I do not know… [He shrugs and spits out some tobacco juice.] I mean, not like I am a scientist or a doctor. Heck, I did not even finish high school!

But I did read or hear somewhere that Will Doors was using his galactic speed injection to either implant trackable microchips in or program everyone to download and play the premium version of Hungry Crickets all day long. I also read or heard somewhere, maybe on talk radio, that the injection would turn you into a 5G transmitter or make you magnetic or something...

Did you believe any of that? 

[He shrugs again.] Again, I am not a scientist or a doctor… [He spits out some tobacco juice.]