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HEALTH ALERT: Top Ten Ways to Protect Yourself From Monkeypox
Don't spank other men's monkeys, abstain from grooming kids, know your risk, wear protection, get tested & vaccinated, always trust experts & media, and other ways to protect yourself from Monkeypox!
Now that the trusted experts at the WHO have declared Monkeypox to be a global pandemic, I am deeply concerned about the health and safety of all my
paid subscribers. Although I am not a big pharma salesman doctor (and neither is Bill Gates), I have put together this helpful list of the top ten ways to protect yourself from Monkeypox. Please do yourself, your family, and friends a BIG favour by sharing this post far and wide via email or on social media so we can help keep everyone safe...
To receive further Monkeypox health alerts like this, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
And remember, as with forest fires, only you can prevent Monkeypox! Now for the top ten ways to protect yourself from Monkeypox:
10) Know your risk for Monkeypox…
9) Stay away from monkeys as well as the Monkees. And no matter how cute or friendly they might be, abstain from
sex engaging in any hands-on activity with them…
8) Abstain from spanking your monkey or at least from spanking another guy’s monkey if your hand, or the other guy’s hand, looks like this…
7) If you are in a high-risk group for Monkeypox, please abstain from
grooming hanging out with kids for awhile. This will lead to awkward questions and wild speculation from the usual suspects…
6) Get tested for Monkeypox regularly…
5) Get vaccinated for Monkeypox… There are no excuses as the Monkeypox vaccine and treatments have been
conveniently waiting for you to get injected with them for some time…
4) Always wear and use protection…
3) Avoid large gatherings like raves or orgies…
2) If you do attend a large gathering such as an orgy, do not have sex with 15-20 different men who have not been vaccinated for Monkeypox. This will increase your risk for contracting
an STD Monkeypox exponentially. To be extra safe, check all orgy participants’ Grindr Tinder social media profiles for the Monkeypox vaccine seal of approval before engaging in any sexual hands-on activities…
1) Always listen to and trust the experts and the media… You know, the very same people whose trusted and timely advice got us safely through the COVID pandemic…
* Tags updated as of June 6, 2023.
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COVIDsteria: An Oral History of America’s Great Reset (Table of Contents) is a fictional satire along the lines of a Studs Terkel oral history or Max Brooks' World War Z published as a serialized book on Substack while Tales From the Great Reset is our occasional satirical short-story series and BREAD&CIRCUSES posts are weekly humor roundups. In addition, check out our Community + Links to Alternative COVID & Great Reset Resources...