HEALTH ALERT: Top 10 Monkeypox Protection Products to Keep You Safe at a Pride Event

The Buttigieg, duct tape, schlong protectors, masks, chastity belts and other Monkeypox protection products to keep you safe while attending the next Pride event.

Aug 08, 2022

With Monkeypox fast becoming the next “pandemic,” I am deeply concerned about the health and safety of all my ~~paid~~ subscribers who might be regular Pride event attendees (also see: HEALTH ALERT: Top Ten Ways to Protect Yourself From Monkeypox). For that reason, I have put together this helpful list of products that can protect you and your loved ones from Monkeypox while attending the next Pride event.*

Please do yourself, your family, and friends a BIG favor by sharing this post far and wide via email or on social media so we can help keep everyone safe...

And remember, as with forest fires, only you can prevent Monkeypox! Now for top Monkeypox protection products:

* DISCLOSURE: I have not received any payment to promote the following products, nor can I be certain whether they protect against Monkeypox. I am also not a big pharma salesman doctor, but neither is Bill Gates.

10) Duct tape

Price: $3-4 a roll (before more Bidenflation, supply chain interruptions and taxes)

A recent San Francisco AIDS Foundation’s guide to attending Pride events and having gay sex during a Monkeypox outbreak came with helpful suggestions like “cover up your bumps:”

**Douchie’s guide to a Dore Alley without fear of monkeypox**

Senator Scott Wiener @Scott_Wiener

Awesome @SFAIDSFound guidance on monkeypox & fun. We can continue to have fun while reducing risk. Closing bathhouses in 1980s didn’t reduce HIV. It was an epic blunder & pushed people into the shadows. Let’s not make that same knee-jerk mistake with MPX

sfaf.orgDouchie’s guide to a Dore Alley without fear of monkeypox - San Francisco AIDS FoundationHot tips for a fun and filthy DORE Alley SF.

What better way to cover your bumps than with duct tape? This guy, in particular, is ready for the new norm at Pride events:

**Take a ride on the crazy train! Snaps reveal the most bizarre sights spotted on public transport - including a sleeping angel and a COFFIN**

9) Schlong Protectors

Price: Free or nominal

Schlong protectors (aka condoms) have been around a long time. In fact, this one was even found in King Tut’s tomb:

Tutankhamun’s condom. Source: Cairo Museum, Egypt

If King Tut used schlong protectors to keep himself safe from whatever was going around the pyramids (e.g. the Plagues of Egypt), there is no reason you can’t wear one to protect your schlong at the next Pride event!

8) Chastity Belts

Price: Up to a few hundred dollars

Depending on your physical size, schlong protectors may not be good enough to keep your schlong safe at a Pride event when things start to get a little crazzzzzzy. Chastity belts, on the other hand, offer more heavy-duty schlong protection (especially those that come with a lock and key) from those sudden urges (or someone else’s sudden urges…):

7) Masks

Price: Free or nominal

As with preventing COVID, masks are another effective product for the prevention of Monkeypox. However, Monkeypox masks at Pride events will need to be worn a little differently:

6) The Buttigieg

Price: Nominal but can vary

The Buttigieg has its origins in Malta and Indiana before becoming more well-known to American consumers who have largely rejected the product as being utterly useless and ridiculous. Nevertheless, the Buttigieg was recently endorsed by the World Health Organization for use as protection against Monkeypox:

5) Gloryholes

Price: Up to several hundred dollars

During the COVID pandemic, Canadian public health officials suggested people protect themselves by using glory holes:

Don’t trust how clean the glory hole is at a Pride event? Just bring your own portable one as there are numerous manufacturers and sellers of ones:

4) Sex Dolls

Price: A couple of hundred bucks to $3,000+

The San Francisco AIDS Foundation’s guide also suggested attending Pride events with someone you know to reduce your risk of catching a disease:

What better way is there to protect yourself from Monkeypox than by bringing someone you know who happens to be your very own personal sex doll?

**LOVE ISN'T DEAD Bizarre moment bodybuilder MARRIES sex doll in creepy ceremony saying she’s a ‘tender soul inside’**

Just make sure the doll has had all of its tune-ups and is ready to party when the next Pride event starts:

**Bodybuilder who married sex doll reveals she's tragically 'broken' days before Christmas**

And make sure you have a good relationship with the doll so you can keep an eye on and keep each other safe:

**Man who married a sex doll finds new love with ashtray he took from a nightclub**

And make sure you take measures to protect your sex doll from other overzealous Pride attendees:

**Sex robot display model molested so much it breaks before anyone can actually use it**

**‘Interactive' sex doll breaks down after huge number customers try it out at Austrian electronics fair**

They can even help keep any children attending such events safe from Monkeypox… AND NO, THAT’S NO LAUGHING MATTER… THIS IS RATHER DISTURBING BUT THEY HAVE SINCE CRACKED DOWN ON SUCH SELLERS:

**Australians Are Buying Disturbing Numbers of Childlike Sex Dolls** **AND** **Alibaba Group: Stop selling child sex abuse dolls**

3) Sex Toys

Price: Under $100 depending on the type, make, and/or model

Bringing your own personal toy like a vibrator or dildo, that only gets used on yourself, is a great way to stay safe from Monkeypox at a Pride event. Just be sure to read all directions for the device and not to use it in any of the dark rooms where it might become lost:

**Man dies after getting vibrator stuck up his anus and waiting too long to get medical attention**

**Yes, Some Sex Toys Can Get ‘Stuck’ Inside You — But Most Won’t. Here’s How to Handle It**

And if you still live in your mother’s basement, make sure you do not grab one of hers by mistake…

2) Monkeypox Test Kits

Price: Under $1 (before more Bidenflation, supply chain interruptions, and Bill Gates buying up all the farmland)

Depending on the supply chain issues where you live, Monkeypox test kits are widely available in the produce section at most grocery stores:

And remember, a Monkeypox test kit that has not ripened and is still hard could be brought to a Pride event and used for… other purposes…

1) The Monkeypox Vaccine

Price: Free but there is a waiting list and expect long lines

Right now the Monkeypox vaccine is hard to come by and limited to certain types of people:

But don’t worry… Once the vaccine becomes more widely available, it will become mandatory just like the COVID shots… And you know that will happen and why it will happen… TRUST ME…

Until then and if you are still worried about catching Monkeypox, there is one simple trick that will likely keep you and your loved ones completely safe:

Otherwise, you can also abstain from attending Pride events for a couple of weeks or months to help flatten the Monkeypox curve…

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HEALTH ALERT: Top 10 Monkeypox Protection Products to Keep You Safe at a Pride Event

The Buttigieg, duct tape, schlong protectors, masks, chastity belts and other Monkeypox protection products to keep you safe while attending the next Pride event.

* DISCLOSURE: I have not received any payment to promote the following products, nor can I be certain whether they protect against Monkeypox. I am also not a big pharma salesman doctor, but neither is Bill Gates.

10) Duct tape

9) Schlong Protectors

8) Chastity Belts

7) Masks

6) The Buttigieg

5) Gloryholes

4) Sex Dolls

3) Sex Toys

2) Monkeypox Test Kits

1) The Monkeypox Vaccine

* Tags updated as of June 6, 2023.

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