Tales From the Great Reset: Inside a Ukraine Propaganda Brainstorming Session
Ukrainian propaganda needs a Great Reset. I secretly sat in on a Ukrainian propaganda brainstorming session with Goebbelsky's new team as they try to come up with new ideas for starting World War III!
Goebbelsky: “Good morning, everyone. [Grave face] As you are aware, the war is not going well for Ukraine. Mariupol is on the verge of falling. While the Russians have pulled back from Kyiv, they are regrouping for a big offensive in the east. Most of our conventional forces are already pinned down there and on the verge of being surrounded and annihilated. The Russians now occupy most of our territory that contains most of our natural resources and heavy industries. Ukraine may soon become an entirely landlocked country.
We no longer have a navy, and most of our air force is already gone. The Russians have destroyed nearly all of our fuel depots. We are almost out of ammunition. The NATO weapons we have been promised are taking forever to arrive. What equipment we receive from NATO is old and often useless - like the 5,000 helmets from the f*cking Krauts! President Zelensky believes our only hope for survival is to get NATO directly involved in Ukraine by starting World War III ASAP. We cannot wait any longer.
However, there are scheduling conflicts with or between our NATO allies for starting World War III. The Americans want World War III to begin after their midterm primaries, but just before their November midterms. They prefer August to boost TV news ratings, and when Americans are usually too busy with their summer vacations to watch much TV. They may also want to have the ‘big guy’ out of the way and replaced before going into those fall elections – if they decide to hold them at all.
However, neither our military nor the French can wait that long. The French will be having elections on April 10th, and any runoff will be held on April 24th. If Marine Le Pen unseats Macron, the French won’t be taking part in World War III. Given what happened in the recent Hungarian and Serbian elections, she has a good chance of pulling an upset and winning. Given the French history of surrendering to and then collaborating with their enemies, it may be better if France stays out of World War III - especially since most French companies continue to shamelessly operate in Russia.
The other problem for NATO is that they don’t want to be seen as the ones starting World War III. They tried to outsource this task to the f*cking P*lacks with that MIGs deal. But the f*cking P*lacks did not fall for that trick, and the Russians aren’t stupid enough to be tricked by NATO into starting World War III either. That means it’s up to us – with the full backing of NATO and the Americans leading from behind.
President Zelensky says Ukrainian propaganda needs a Great Reset. As part of this propaganda Great Reset, we have sent our old propaganda team to fight on the Donbas front and have replaced them with you – our new propaganda team.
We need you to brainstorm new propaganda ideas to gin up more support for Ukraine and World War III. More importantly, President Zelensky wants new and better ideas for getting NATO directly involved in our war, and World War III started.
Now, let’s hear some of your propaganda ideas that I can put in the hopper to present to President Zelensky…”
Propaganda Team: “We have a new and handsome fighter ace. He is the Ukrainian version of the Red Baron!”
Goebbelsky: [He frowns] “We no longer have a functioning air force! Even when we did, our old propaganda team already did ‘ghost of Kyiv!’”
Propaganda Team: “Every day, we post videos on social media showing our brave military shooting down Russian helicopters and fighter jets left and right! This keeps up the narrative that we are kicking the Russians' asses!”
Goebbelsky: [He rolls his eyes] “Our military rarely shoots any Russian sh*t down! And when they do, it is never conveniently captured on camera! That reminds me: Can you, our new propaganda team and as part of our propaganda Great Reset, find and use REAL combat footage instead of video game footage? IF I see any more Arma 3 videos posted on our Defense Ministry’s Facebook page, you will ALL be sent to the Donbas front to fight alongside the old propaganda team!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “A Chechen death quad is on a mission to assassinate our dear President. They were Vlad’s best and most fearsome fighters – until a source inside Russian intelligence gave us the intelligence needed to annihilate them in a daring attack! We are also slaughtering all of Russia’s generals!”
Goebbelsky: “These propaganda ideas were tried repeatedly by our old propaganda team! And the Russians keep releasing videos and pictures of the officers we 'killed' with our propaganda being very much alive!” [He frowns again]
Propaganda Team: “Ukrainian women are known for their beauty. All of our beauty queens are now at the front fighting Russians. This will inspire young women everywhere to pressure their governments into supporting Ukraine militarily!”
Goebbelsky: “Our beauty queen influencers are already posting pictures of themselves with their Airsoft guns without our prompting. They are doing this for ‘likes’ or cashing in on product placements! And the damn fact-checkers have already called them out on it!”
Propaganda Team: “We have a sniper. And not just any sniper. We have a lady sniper who is killing Russians by the hundreds!”
Goebbelsky: “Do you mean we have yet another sniper lady named ‘Charcoal,’ which sounds like the name of a bar girl cum hooker? [He shakes his head] Our old propaganda team already put that story out there, and they gave her that ridiculous nickname! By now, western tabloids need something fresh to latch onto!”
Propaganda Team: “The sniper is a transgender woman!”
Goebbelsky: “Oh come onnn! [He rolls his eyes] They are like 0.1% of the western population – and concentrated mainly in San Francisco! We need to target a much broader demographic for Ukraine support!”
Propaganda Team: “One of our fighting beauty queens is wounded and captured by the Russians. At the Russian hospital, she is defiant. Then our soldiers rescue her in a daring mission!”
Goebbelsky: “Do you mean for us to have a Ukrainian version of Jessica Lynch? [He frowns] The Americans did that before and have already turned it into a movie. Besides, such a story would clash with our propaganda that the Russians are executing all of our captured soldiers!”
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians ordered our version of the Alamo to surrender. Our soldiers defiantly told them to ‘f*ck off’ before heroically fighting the Russians down to the last man!”
Goebbelsky: [He sighs] “You mean do another Snake Island story? Even CNN has debunked that already!”
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians have deliberately blown up a mosque full of Muslims. The victims are mostly Turkish nationals. Since they are part of NATO, the Turks will demand war against Russia!”
Goebbelsky: “Our old propaganda team already claimed that happened in Mariupol. Then the f*cking Turks did not play along and debunked the whole story!” [He frowns again]
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians are destroying synagogues and Holocaust memorials!”
Goebbelsky: “Our old propaganda team claimed the Babyn Yar Holocaust memorial was destroyed when the Russians attacked the nearby Kyiv TV. And that was already debunked!”
Propaganda Team: “The Russians have a NAZI problem.”
Goebbelsky: “We are the ones with the NAZI problem!” [He shakes his head and sighs]
Goebbelsky Cont’d: “That reminds me: Can somebody tell our Azov guys to STOP posing and posting selfies in front of their insignia? Even when their heads block the Wolfsangel and Black Sun, some a**hole will still ask questions!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “Westerners love racial minorities and hate white racists. We claim racist white Russians are not allowing black and brown foreigners to leave the war zone. We claim they are being used as human shields, are being beaten, and kept outside in freezing conditions.”
Goebbelsky: “We were the ones who did that to our black and brown foreigners while the f*cking P*lacks used water cannons against African and Middle East refugees trying to cross their border! And where will we find such foreigners? Even our foreign refugees have gotten the hell out of our country already! The foreigners left here are the Reddit brigades and some western media who are all safely camping out in luxury hotels near the Polish border in Lviv. Those western media son-of-a-b*tches are as far away from any actual fighting as they can get!”
Propaganda Team: “Let’s invite all the western media camping out near the Polish border to go someplace. Then we blow them all up in a missile attack and claim the Russians did it. The western media will demand war!”
Goebbelsky: [Rolls his eyes] “We are trying to get average westerners to hate Putin and oppose the Russian invasion of Ukraine! We are not trying to get them to switch sides and support him and his invasion!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians are mistreating, using incorrect pronouns, and targeting transgenders. The Russians are also not allowing them to pick and choose what sports team to play on.”
Goebbelsky: “We are the ones who are forcing transgenders who were born as men to go to the front to fight like men! Surprisingly, NATO and the American government are not complaining about it! Even that American Admiral is not saying anything publicly!”
Propaganda Team: “We move all our military units and equipment into schools, maternity hospitals, and residential areas to encourage the Russians to blow them up. Then we film the victims.”
Goebbelsky: “We have already moved all of our military units and equipment to such places! But the Russians are trying hard to avoid blowing them up by doing pinpoint strikes and so-called cauldron sieges. There is no new idea here! [He frowns] And that reminds me: Our old propaganda team kept using the same victim actress again and again! As part of our Ukraine propaganda Great Reset, we need you to find a new victim actress to film!”
Goebbelsky Cont’d: “There was another reason we got rid of our old propaganda team. When they released a photo of the so-called ‘ghost of Kyiv,’ they used the face of a Buenos Aires lawyer. And he started making jokes about his newfound fame on Twitter! Why are we using the face of an Argentine lawyer in our propaganda when we are a country of 40+ million f*cking people!?!!” [He throws his hands up in exasperation]
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians are kicking Ukrainian civilians out of their homes and shelling them when they try to flee the war zones.”
Propaganda Team: “We shoot a missile at a crowd of civilians outside a train station in the war zone. Then we blame the Russians.”
Goebbelsky: “We just did that in Kramatorsk! And the damn Russians got a picture of the missile fragment that landed by the station. That reminds me and as part of the Ukraine propaganda Great Reset: Can you, our new propaganda team, make sure our serial numbers are removed from any missile that ‘coincidentally’ kills a bunch of our own civilians!” [He shakes his head and frowns]
Propaganda Team: “We claim there were thousands of civilian refugees crowded into one building, and the Russians blew it up.”
Goebbelsky: “Do you mean like a theater? [He sighs] Our old propaganda team already claimed that happened in Mariupol. The western media made a lot of noise before the Russians debunked it with aerial and on-the-ground images. If I do not start hearing new and innovative propaganda ideas from you, all of you will soon be serving on the Donbas front alongside our old propaganda team!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “Why don't we do the theater claim for real? Then it will be harder for anyone to debunk!”
Goebbelsky: “Hmmm… [He rubs his chin] Now that is a clever idea we can put in the hopper for President Zelensky to consider! We crowd together a bunch of civilians who are preferably ethnic Russians, Russian speakers, or voters from opposing political parties. Then we blow them up for real and blame the Russians!”
Propaganda Team: “We can also claim the Russians are killing so many Ukrainian civilians, they must use mobile crematoriums to dispose of all the bodies!”
Goebbelsky: “Our old propaganda team already tried that!”
Propaganda Team: “We shell our own cities to kill civilians and then blame the Russians for it. We also refuse to allow civilians to evacuate from the war zones to maximize their casualties.”
Goebbelsky: “Again, we are already claiming that even though we are the ones doing all of that!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “We stage a massacre...”
Goebbelsky: “What, againnn??? [He frowns and sighs] Our old propaganda team just did that in a town conveniently named Bucha! It has not triggered NATO intervention and World War III yet! And everyone keeps poking holes in the story because they did such a sh*t ass job of producing it!”
Propaganda Team: “We stage the mother of all massacres on the scale of what we did when we collaborated with the NAZIs during World War II! This massacre will make Bucha and those Bosnian massacres in the 1990s that triggered NATO intervention look like kid's play!”
Goebbelsky: [He sighs again] “What difference does it make? When our old propaganda team did that Bucha massacre, some of our crisis actors could not stop moving around on the ground! And some idiot forgot to throw animal blood and guts all over the place to make it more realistic and gruesome!” [He frowns]
Goebbelsky Cont’d: “At least we had great cinematography as the production quality was not like a B movie! Maybe we will win an academy award for it!” [He throws his hands up in exasperation and rolls his eyes]
Goebbelsky Cont’d: “But nobody bothered to tell or coordinate the massacre ahead of time with that stupid mayor so he would not shoot off his mouth! As part of Ukraine’s propaganda Great Reset, you, our new propaganda team, need to do better coordination! And you need to find better crisis actors just like we need a new bombing victim actress! Maybe we need to send all of you to the Donbas front and just bring in Hollywood to direct and produce our future massacres!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “Why don’t we have a real massacre instead of a staged one? We shoot a bunch of Russians, Russian speakers, or voters from opposing political parties. Then they will not be moving around in the videos we shoot, and there will be lots of real blood and guts!”
Goebbelsky: “Well, that is an idea we can consider. [Goebbelsky rubs his chin] But again, we need better coordination on the ground, with our NATO friends, and with the western media! If we or the Western media claims the bodies lay in the streets for three weeks, the satellite images better have matching dates! And all the dead bodies better be bloated and look chewed on by stray dogs! I still think we need BIGGER and BETTER ideas for NATO intervention and starting World War III! More staged or real massacres are not going to cut it!” [He frowns]
Propaganda Team: “We shoot down a foreign commercial airliner and blame the Russians.”
Goebbelsky: “That was already done several years ago! And no commercial airliners are flying over Ukraine anymore. Even the discount airlines like Ryanair will not fly over us to save money!”
Propaganda Team: “Why don’t we instead shoot down a commercial airliner over a NATO country? Then they can blame it on a stray Russian missile or fighter.”
Goebbelsky: “Now there is a much better idea! [He smiles] Better yet, we tell NATO to pick which of their airliners they want us to shoot down. Maybe a French one full of American passengers and have it crash on a city full of f*cking P*lacks or Hungarians who voted for Orban! NATO is already shadowing passenger aircraft with their jets - they might already be planning their own false-flag operation.”
Goebbelsky Cont’d: “If not, maybe we can just ask them to shoot one down. Let’s put this idea in the hopper for President Zelensky to discuss directly with NATO leaders!”
Propaganda Team: “We blow up or sabotage the Russian gas pipelines to Europe. The Europeans will freeze under cold showers, supermarket prices will skyrocket, their economy will collapse, and they will suffer from mass unemployment. The Russians will also be unable to pay for their invasion using the energy they sell to the EU.”
Goebbelsky: “Yea, but how will all of that help us escalate the invasion into World War III? [He shrugs] Besides, Greta and most European leaders want their own people to suffer!”
Propaganda Team: “We flood Europe with Ukrainian refugees.”
Goebbelsky: [He sighs] “Again, European leaders want to flood their native populations with a more compliant refugee population! EU leaders may also get annoyed about being flooded by ‘relatively civilized and relatively European’ refugees instead of the ones they usually get and prefer!”
Propaganda Team: “We claim the Russians have and are using weapons of mass destruction!”
Goebbelsky: “Oh pleaseeeeee!!! [He rolls his eyes] That idea is so old and has been used so many times by the Americans to justify their wars or bombing campaigns that it needs to be permanently retired! President Zelensky wants a propaganda Great Reset and new ideas!” [Goebbelsky slams his fist on the table]
Propaganda Team: “Let’s claim the Russians shelled one of our nuclear power plants.”
Goebbelsky: “Our old propaganda team already claimed that!” [He rolls his eyes again]
Propaganda Team: “Why don’t we actually shell or shoot a missile at one of our nuclear power plants to blow it up? Then we claim the Russians did it.”
Goebbelsky: “While that is a better idea, it could also be risky for us - for obvious reasons!” [He shakes his head and frowns]
Propaganda Team: “What if the nuclear power plant is upwind from the EU near their border? There would be minimal fallout on Ukraine.”
Goebbelsky: “Now that is an idea we can put in the hopper for President Zelensky! [He smiles] We blow up one of our own nuclear power plants located someplace where most of the radiation blows towards NATO and the EU! Even better if all blows toward the f*cking P*lacks or Hungarians given they all voted for that son-of-a-b*tch Orban who won't support us! Then we claim the Russians did it!”
Propaganda Team: “Why don’t we do the same with one of the American biolabs near an EU border? Maybe we can cause a new pandemic with a different coronavirus variant.”
Goebbelsky: “I like that idea as well! [He smiles broadly] But then we would need the Americans, their Dr. Fauci, the ‘big guy’ and Metabiota to sign off on that as all the biolabs belong to them. They may need more time getting their research and experiment subjects safely out. All of that might take a while. But we can still put that idea in the hopper for President Zelensky. He can discuss it with the ‘big guy’ next time they talk about getting NATO support and starting World War III!”
Propaganda Team: “We take some of the nuclear material the Soviets left behind, and mix it with the biological agents the Americans have in their biolabs to make a dirty bomb. Then we blow it up in an EU capital and blame the Russians.”
Goebbelsky: “That is another creative idea! We can pick Warsaw or Budapest. If we choose the latter, NATO might help us or do it themselves given how much they hate and want to punish Orban! [He smiles]
Propaganda Team: “We fire missiles at a US base in Poland. Then we blame the Russians.”
Goebbelsky: “Now that is yet another brilliant idea! [He smiles again] That would shut up Tucker Carlson and all the other Putin shrills in the US! Off course, President Zelensky would need to get the permission of and coordinate the attack with the ‘big guy’ and NATO. But I am sure they will all readily agree to it - especially given how bad the Democrats are polling right now!
Ok, I think I have done enough propaganda brainstorming for a Great Reset in Ukraine propaganda. This is what I have in the hopper to present to President Zelensky concerning what we can do and then blame the Russians for doing:
We blow up a building full of civilians who are ethnic Russians, Russian speakers, or voters from opposing political parties.
We conduct an actual massacre of Russians, Russian speakers, or voters from opposing political parties.
We ask NATO to pick which of their airliners they want us to shoot down, or they shoot one down themselves.
We shoot a missile at a nuclear power plant upwind from the EU and near their border.
We blow up an American biolab that is also upwind from the EU and near their border.
We set off a dirty bomb in Warsaw or Budapest.
We blow up a US base in Poland.
I will present these ideas to President Zelensky at our next meeting. IF he gives the green light for one or more of them, I will let you know the next steps!
CONGRATULATIONS team! You will not be sent to the Donbas front today!
Slava Ukraine and heil Zelensky!” [He salutes and smiles]
Propaganda Team: “Slava Ukraine and heil Zelensky!” [They salute back]
P.S. Suggested reading to learn more about the Ukrainian-NATO-US Deep State propaganda campaign to start a hot war or World War III with the Russians:
Dan Cohen reveals the network of foreign strategists, Washington lobbyists and intelligence-linked media outlets behind Kiev's public relations blitz.
The West’s propaganda, in a rapidly evolving conflict, has at times been absurd.
The real stories about wars don't come out until years later.
P.S.S. Did I leave out any Ukraine propaganda that was already tried on us? IF so, please tell me in a comment…
For more satire like this, check out COVIDsteria: An Oral History of America’s Great Reset (Table of Contents) - a fictional satire along the lines of a Studs Terkel oral history or Max Brooks' World War Z published as a serialized book on Substack. Our other Tales From the Great Reset (links to all tales are also at the bottom of COVIDsteria’s TofC page):
And don’t forget to visit/like/share all of our ongoing meme/humor posts covering COVIDsteria, RUSSIAsteria, and whatever the next psyop they try to force upon us…
NOTE: While we are bombarded with woke propaganda buried into every story line from Hollywood to fiction literature these days, there is hardly any NON-WOKE satire (beyond the Babylon Bee etc) and/or fictional/satirical writing along the lines of George Orwell, Ayn Rand and the like. And besides, publishers won’t touch such material these days - meaning there is little monetary incentive for such writing…
Please feel free to support this endeavor any way you can with a small donation to keep me motivated and perhaps encourage others to do more non-woke fiction and satirical writing!