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Tales From the Great Reset: Inside an Election Fraud Brainstorming Session
Election fraud needs a Great Reset. I secretly sat in on a state Secretary of State brainstorming session as they try to come up with new ideas to make election fraud great again for the Midterms!
Secretary of State: “Good morning, everyone. [Grave face] As you are aware, last Tuesday was a bloodbath for approved candidates in the other Party’s primaries. Our internal polls and the country's mood are both moving in the wrong direction for us. And no matter how hard we milk January 6th, almost nobody cares about it outside of Washington DC.
Under normal circumstances, these are minor issues that could otherwise be overcome by number crunching the early and mail-in voting and then applying the time-tested election 'fixes.' However, we are now facing three serious problems:
Our first problem is that all of those stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters are refusing to play along with early or mail-in voting. Instead, they are showing up in droves on Election Day to either vote in person or drop off their mail-in ballot. And they are refusing to use our voting machines to vote.
This behavior completely messes up our algorithms, supercomputer election turnout forecasts, and results models. If this behavior continues, we will not know how many voters will still need to be bussed to the polls on Election Day. We will not know how many ballots need to be fertilized and harvested or how many mailed-in ones need to appear postmarked by Election Day.
Our second problem is that we can no longer trust all of our voters to continue to vote correctly. We still have the votes of post-grads, older suburban birthing people, LGBTQs, public sector workers, public assistance, and African-Americans in the bag. However, there are indications that some of our suburban soccer moms and Asian voters may be straying from the fold. And it appears that some of our LatinX voters did not appreciate being referred to as 'breakfast taco people.' If too many of these voters vote incorrectly, it will further throw off our vote calculations even more.
Our third problem is domestic terrorist Steve Bannon’s precinct strategy. This American Rasputin plans to install unapproved precinct captains or committee members in every single precinct in the country. If he succeeds, this will make our job on and after Election Day significantly harder.
The Administration in Washington has told me how we conduct and count the votes for the midterm elections in our State needs a Great Reset to save our democracy. As part of this Great Reset, they want a concrete plan from us with new ideas to ensure victory not just in the November midterms but in all future elections.
Now I want to have a brainstorming session to hear some of your election and vote counting ideas to address these problems and to present to the Administration..."
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Election Fraud Team: “A new COVID variant is going around that makes in-person voting impossible.”
Secretary of State: “COVID again?!! [Rolls eyes] I think we are beating a dead horse doing COVID yet again! And for some strange reason, the new variants seem to only infect or kill certain people who tend to be our voters - not MAGA domestic terrorist voters...” [Scratches head]
Election Fraud Team: “Let's do Monkeypox instead.”
Secretary of State: “Monkeypox?!! [Rolls eyes again] Come on, 98% of the people who come down with Monkeypox are LGBTQ! They are already our voters! And the disease is mainly spreading via sex at pride events or raves!”
Election Fraud Team: “What if non-LGBTQ people suddenly started coming down with Monkeypox at pandemic levels? After all, it can supposedly be spread via surfaces or contact with infected clothing or bedding. Then we will need to cancel in-person voting – especially at libraries and public schools.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] Come to think of it, our government would spread smallpox to the Native Americans via infected blankets... [Pauses again to think]
Maybe our public health authorities can arrange for some Monkeypox sufferers to try on clothing or use the toilets at Wal-Mart - where MAGA domestic terrorist voters all shop. And have them handle all the menus at Cracker Barrel and hang out at Chick-fil-A where MAGA domestic terrorist voters eat. And have them use all the gas pumps at gas stations in MAGA areas since MAGA domestic terrorist voters do not drive EVs. This will spread Monkeypox far beyond the LGBTQ community and ensure the disease is no longer associated with them... [Pauses again]
Maybe a few infected drag queens can be found, and they could spread it to the children attending drag queen story hours in our public schools and libraries. If anyone dares to claim the kids got it from the drag queens, the media can accuse them of being transphobic and silence them.
Instead, our public health authorities can say the kids got it from being in the library or school buildings themselves. Then the health department will need to close these locations. Then we have no place to do in-person voting and will have to cancel it… [Pauses yet again to think]
I think a Monkeypox epidemic is something that can be worked with, but we do not have much time. We will need our public health authorities and the Administration to work together on a plan. But I do not know if they will be able to move fast enough to turn Monkeypox into a real pandemic so we can cancel or limit in-person voting.
If Monkeypox cancels in-person voting, we can then use it as an excuse for not accepting ballots in person on Election Day. That would force voters to use drop boxes or the post office. And if we got rid of all drop boxes, we could force stubborn MAGA domestic terrorist voters to vote by mail.
On-the-other-hand… [Pauses to think] Eliminating ballot drop boxes would interfere with our ballot harvesting operations. But approved of ballot harvesters will have no problems with the post office.
There is a lot to consider here. Let’s put starting a real Monkeypox pandemic on the list for the Administration to consider. But we still need to brainstorm more ideas to further control and restrict in-person voting.”
Election Fraud Team: “To vote in person, you must be tested for and fully vaccinated and boosted for both COVID and Monkeypox.”
Secretary of State: “I also love this idea! [Smiles] After all, we are in a COVID pandemic. If we are lucky, we will soon have a Monkeypox one. [Smiles again]
We can definitely try doing this, but we would have to announce the policy early. And I think such rules would get struck down by a Trump judge before Election Day. [Sighs] However, we may still get lucky if it goes before non-Trump judges. Then it will take time to work its way through the courts.
Let's also put this idea on the list because it is worth a try.”
Election Fraud Team: “We selectively enforce voter photo ID.”
Secretary of State: “We already do that. And when we try to reject the voter IDs of suspected MAGA domestic terrorist voters, they have more photo IDs and produce multiple forms of identification. They even bring birth certificates, marriage certificates, and several utility bills to prove their addresses.” [Sighs again]
Election Fraud Team: “We eliminate all smaller precincts in favor of super precincts or big vote counting centers.”
Secretary of State: “These are brilliant ideas! [Smiles] Typically, 1-2,000 people vote in each precinct. The little old ladies who manage them can usually count that number of votes in less than an hour. That is far too fast and does not give us enough time to get organized to fix things!
With super precincts and big counting centers, we can drag out the vote counting process for a few extra days than we usually drag it out for. Maybe we can even drag it out for weeks or months! [Smiles broadly]
Then if the MAGA domestic terrorist people demand a recount, it will take just as long! By then, the voters will be sick of waiting and accept any results we give them! [Starts laughing]
Let’s put this idea on the list!”
Election Fraud Team: “We let voters vote in person or turn their ballots in where ever they want. This will lead to confusion and make recounts harder.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] This is also an interesting idea… We can sell it to voters by telling them we are making it easier for them to vote. They will be able to vote outside of their precincts before and on Election Day. This will have the added benefit of making it harder or near impossible to trace individual ballots during recounts. It can also explain the problem of having more votes than voters in smaller precincts.
The only problem I foresee is that it complicates our data collection, forecasting, and algorithm calculations. And we will need to have the suitcases of correctly voted ballots ready to possibly switch out the incorrectly voted ballots.
However, we still need ideas to deal specifically with domestic terrorist Steve Bannon’s precinct strategy.”
Election Fraud Team: “We eliminate all precinct committee positions, or make them appointed positions.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] They just did something like this in Arizona. [Pauses again] An emergency bipartisan bill was unanimously passed just before the primaries to change the number of precinct committee people. Instead of having one for every 125 voters registered in a party, it was changed to one precinct committee person for every precinct regardless of the number of voters registered in a party. The bill also changed the precinct committee positions from elected positions to ones appointed by the Party’s county chairman. In Arizona, that is going to be a John McCain Republican! [Smiles]
This new law means that voters have no say whatsoever in who the precinct committee people are! [Smiles broadly] Unapproved people could still bribe the county chair to get appointed. And this would actually be legal as these are not public offices, but I think that is a minor risk for us.
The best part about that Arizona law is that it shuts down political engagement at the local level where it needs to be shut down. It is at the local level where political engagement is so troublesome. A similar law in our State would probably have unanimous bipartisan support in our legislature - just like it did in Arizona! [Smiles even more broadly]
Let’s put this idea on the list. However, our legislature will need to call an emergency session quickly to get a law in place ASAP. And we still need more ideas to deal with in-person voting or ballot drop-offs on Election Day."
Election Fraud Team: "We give sharpies to suspected MAGA domestic terrorist voters or to voters in MAGA precincts."
Secretary of State: "We can try that again, but I don’t think they will fall for that again. They will probably bring their own pens this time." [Frowns]
Election Fraud Team: “We run out of paper ballots on Election Day in MAGA precincts, and we do not answer our phones when they request more ballots.”
Secretary of State: “They just did that trick in Alleghany County, Pennsylvania, and Pinal County, Arizona. And while Pennsylvania results were a little better, that crazy election denying b*tch Kari Lake still won in Arizona!” [Frowns angrily]
Election Fraud Team: “When we run out of paper ballots, the media blames stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters for not taking advantage of early voting. Everyone says, ‘Too bad, vote early next time.’”
Secretary of State: “Yea, but then we will run into problems getting the election certified, and there will be lawsuits. And what if a Trump judge intervenes claiming voters had their right to vote denied and certification gets blocked?”
Election Fraud Team: “We file a bunch of lawsuits and/or have our judges intervene before theirs do.”
Secretary of State: “And what if they still manage to file their lawsuits first and they do not get before one of our judges? Likewise, what if their judges intervene first? We cannot risk playing lawsuit and judge roulette!”
Election Fraud Team: “When we run out of paper ballots in MAGA precincts, we steer those stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters to a paperless voting machine.”
Secretary of State: “Now that is a better idea! If we do not print up or provide enough ballots to MAGA precincts, their stupid voters will need to use the voting machines. [Smiles]
The only problem I foresee is if the stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters refuse to use the voting machines. Instead, they may bring in or have already requested, received, and filled out a printed mail-in ballot. Then they will insist on voting with it rather than use a voting machine.” [Sighs]
Election Fraud Team: “We misprint ballots mailed to MAGA precincts or people we know to be MAGA domestic terrorist voters.”
Secretary of State: “Again, that was done yet again in Arizona, and they did it in Ohio back in 2020. And it never takes long for someone to notice a misprint. They had to give voters new and correct ballots. And since MAGA domestic terrorist voters do not trust mail-in voting anymore, they had not turned in the incorrect ballots. OUR voters and establishment GOP Never Trumper voters had returned their ballots! They had to be contacted and told to revote – creating more work for election officials!” [Frowns]
Election Fraud Team: “We tell any suspected MAGA domestic terrorist voters who turn up on Election Day that we already have a voted ballot from them. We warn them that we will press charges if they vote twice.”
Secretary of State: “But such voters can still demand a provisional ballot. [Pauses] And we can subsequently reject it during the counting process. [Pauses to think]
Our problem is the internal polls indicate that we will need to do this with tens of thousands of voters this time to get the results we need. And what if some of these voters get angry, have a gun, and go postal on our poll workers?”
Election Fraud Team: “What if MAGA domestic terrorist voters were encouraged to go postal at a polling place on or before Election Day or if they have an ‘insurrection’ at one?”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses to think] Those are very interesting ideas… [Pauses again to think] Maybe having a few crazy MAGA domestic terrorist voters going postal on our poll workers would be a good thing. But we need guarantees that it will be MAGA domestic terrorist voters who go postal on our poll workers... [Pauses again to think harder]
Any such incident would force a polling place to go on lockdown immediately, and the media would be all over the story! [Starts to smile] And if an incident happens before Election Day, we can force the shutdown of most in-person voting locations! Then we have airport-like security at all the remaining ones to discourage in-person voting! [Smiles]
And if the incident is bad enough, we can shut down ALL in-person voting! With all the angry and deranged MAGA domestic terrorist voters running around, it is just too dangerous for our polling workers and voters to vote in person! [Smiles broadly]
We can also say that nobody is allowed to drop off their ballots in person at any election office! Then we can force the stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters to vote by mail or use our drop boxes! [Starts giggling]
And that might make them so angry that they decide to stage an ‘insurrection’ by ‘storming’ a polling place or vote counting center after Election Day!
Maybe they even take over a vote counting center full of uncounted ballots that get destroyed on purpose by them! That will delay the vote counting and certification! [Starts laughing uncontrollably]
And we cannot allow poll watchers who are suspected domestic terrorists or already on domestic terrorist watch lists! No siree Bob! They might also be colluding with the Russians to steal our elections! [Starts laughing uncontrollably even more]
These are brilliant ideas that could save our democracy! But we would need the Administration and the FBI to have a solid action plan. Maybe the FBI has a few informants or agents from January 6th who are still available.
They could quickly get the ball rolling at one of our election offices or early polling places. At the very least, we will need the FBI to provide us with a list of names of people who must not be involved in serving as poll watchers!
Let’s put these ideas in the hopper for the Administration and the FBI to consider and organize!
However, we may not be able to identify every poll watcher that might be a MAGA domestic terrorist or sympathizer. I think we need some additional ideas to prevent them from interfering with the vote counting.”
Election Fraud Team: “We make them stand 30 to 100 feet away and use binoculars.”
Secretary of State: “They did that in Philadelphia in 2020. But that is hard to get away with that outside of Philadelphia. And what if they get a court order from a Trump judge?”
Election Fraud Team: “We ignore the court order.”
Secretary of State: “Again… [Sigh] That is something they can only do in places like Philadelphia… [Pauses] On the other hand… [Pauses again] A judge has no way of personally enforcing a court order as it is up to law enforcement. We could simply ignore any court order until someone forces us to comply. By then, Election Day will be over. We might even have a few days of vote counting under our belt.
Let’s have put keeping out poll watchers until we get forced to comply with a court order by law enforcement on the list. But I think we need more ideas to keep pesky MAGA domestic terrorists from voting in-person and their poll watchers out.”
Election Fraud Team: “Instead of little old ladies working at the polling places and counting votes, we use drag queens.”
Secretary of State: “That is a creative idea! [Smiles] MAGA domestic terrorist types are all transphobic anyway! And with Monkeypox going around the LGBTQ community, MAGA types will want to stay as far away from them as possible!
Better yet, maybe the public health authorities can provide us with some drag queens who are obviously suffering from Monkeypox! [Smiles broadly] We have them to man, excuse me, work at some polling places handing out the paper ballots to voters. The MAGA domestic terrorist voters will not dare touch the paper ballots, and we can force them to use the machines! Or tell them to take their homophobic and transphobic buts home! [Laughs]
I think we can put this idea on the list. However, aside from limiting in-person Election Day voting, we also need new ideas to deal with the vote counting process itself. And if approved of candidates have a vote deficit when the votes are getting counted, we need new ideas for fixing those deficits.”
Election Fraud Team: “We scan the same ballots over and over and over again.”
Secretary of State: “Although we can try that again, it is not a new idea... [Pauses] But I think it is something that can only be gotten away with in Detroit! And this time around, we will need to ensure that everyone in the counting rooms is on our team!”
Election Fraud Team: “We have a few ballot boxes in the trunk of a car all ready to go.”
Secretary of State: “Oh please, I said we need new ideas! [Rolls eyes] Do you know how many times that trick has been done in an election? Although for some reason, the GOP keeps falling for it. [Scratches forehead]
Nevertheless, that election trick is an even older trick than stopping the vote count and doing middle-of-the-night ballot drops! And given how bad our internal polls are, we may need to find ballot boxes in the trunk of every car in our parking lot! And that still may not be enough!”
Election Fraud Team: “We install bigger drop boxes and have them on every street corner.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] Those are interesting ideas. In Flint, Michigan, the drop boxes are big enough to drop full bags of ballots into. That makes things easier for the ballot harvesters.
And the more drop boxes we have, the less likely they can all be monitored by cameras. Or, for that matter, be monitored by any MAGA domestic terrorists.
And even if they are under surveillance, we can just erase the camera footage like they did in Georgia. We can also have any MAGA domestic terrorist jokers hanging around our drop boxes arrested.
Let’s put this idea on the list.
Election Fraud Team: “We set the signature verification computers on a setting where anything will get approved.”
Secretary of State: “Yes, we are already planning to do that again. It was proven to work by Nevada in 2020.”
Election Fraud Team: “We accept all mail-in ballots – even undated ones.”
Secretary of State: “And we plan to do that again as the courts have generally been willing to allow those ballots to be counted.”
Election Fraud Team: “When voters who have made mistakes with their ballots are known to be our voters or are from non-MAGA precincts, we make sure they know to come in and fix their ballot. Or we send someone to them to fix their ballot.”
Secretary of State: “Yes, we will be doing that again.”
Election Fraud Team: “When we have an idea of how many more votes are needed, one of our judges issues an order for the post offices to be swept for lost mail-in ballots.”
Secretary of State: “We can do that. But when that was done in Pennsylvania in 2020, they only turned up about 1,700 more ballots. We are going to need more than 1,700 ballots! People may not believe that even our post office is so incompetent that tens, if not, hundreds of thousands of ballots were delayed or undelivered!” [Sighs and shakes head]
Election Fraud Team: “We increase turnout among dead voters.”
Secretary of State: “Given how awful the internal polls are, we may run out of dead voters! [Sighs again] We may also need to register every person buried in every grave or graveyard in our State! [Frowns]
However, we cannot have people who were alive during the Civil War voting again! That will make us and me look ridiculous!
And we do not want any famous dead people voting again!
Our other problem is that we do not know how many dead voters we need to vote or how many new dead voters we need to have registered and voting. Again, the fault lies with all of those stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters who are suborning refusing to vote early! They will throw off all the pre-Election Day turnout and forecasting models and algorithms. We need new ideas to compensate for this!”
Election Fraud Team: “We wait for all the MAGA precincts to tally and report their votes first. Then we know exactly how many more correctly voted ballots are needed.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] Given what happened in 1960, Nixon only won the 1968 election because downstate Illinois refused to report their results before Cook County did.
The media, who hated Mayor Daley as much as they hated Nixon, pressured the Mayor to report his results first. And they obviously miscalculated how many votes were needed in Cook County to overcome the GOP downstate areas.
We can put this idea on the list, and I will try my best to force all suspected MAGA precincts to report their results first to buy us time to fill any vote deficit. However, I am still afraid that 1968 will happen all over again.
We might end up playing a game of chicken with MAGA precincts. They could decide to use every excuse or trick in the book, or the same ones we use, to delay reporting their results. And the media will not be able to shame or force them report results first. MAGA domestic terrorist types cannot be shamed by, nor do they care what the media says.”
Election Fraud Team: “We just stop counting the vote on election night and every subsequent night. Then we do big middle-of-the-night ballot drops to make up the day’s deficit votes.”
Secretary of State: “We did that everywhere during the 2020 elections, and we looked like a banana republic! And even with supercomputers crunching all the data and algorithms giving out projects, it still takes time to match things up with the poll books.
Nevertheless… [Sighs] It worked in 2020. We got the correct results for President and key Senate races. And even FOX News gave us cover.
However, we need to have a better excuse to stop counting the votes this time to make it look more plausible. Or at least make it look like I am not running an election in a banana republic!” [Frowns]
Election Fraud Team: “A pipe bursts at a main vote counting center. The vote counting will then need to be stopped until it is fixed. That is when we wheel out the suitcases of bad ballots and wheel in the ones with good ballots.”
Secretary of State: “Oh, please! [Rolls eyes] They did that in a Fulton County, Georgia, bathroom! Instead of happening with a urinal, we will need to have the pipe burst right over the ballots in the vote counting room for this time around! And there is no guarantee the ballots will suffer damage or become unreadable! And if that happens, we may have trouble with lawsuits, Trump judges, and getting the election certified!” [Sighs]
Election Fraud Team: “As with food processing plants, a few election offices mysteriously catch fire before the elections, and an unknown number of selected ballots are destroyed.”
Secretary of State: “Those are interesting ideas… [Pauses to think] That will need to be coordinated with ANTIFA and the FBI. And correctly voted ballots with smoke and water damage would need to be ready to replace the damaged or destroyed ones that were incorrectly voted.
But we cannot do this before Election Day because stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters are not voting early! We will destroy ballots from our voters and establishment GOP voters who did vote correctly!”
Election Fraud Team: “The mysterious fires happen on election night or subsequent nights at vote counting centers before the votes are counted.”
Secretary of State: “That is a better idea to consider. However, I am still concerned about Trump judges intervening before our own do and preventing the whole election from being certified.”
Election Fraud Team: “Along with some election offices, a couple of post offices full of voted ballots also mysteriously catch fire.”
Secretary of State: “Again! [Sighs] MAGA domestic terrorist voters do not trust the post office or mail-in voting! If a few post offices burn down, the ballots of our voters will go up in smoke!
I think we need bigger and more radical ideas to drag out vote counting and for getting rid of incorrectly voted ballots!” [Frowns]
Election Fraud Team: “We send a state politician on an official visit to Taiwan to start World War III with China.”
Secretary of State: “Oh, please! [Rolls eyes] If Nancy Pelosi could not start World War III by going there, no politician in this state will be able to!”
Election Fraud Team: “An alien invasion or Roswell New Mexico type incident happens on or just after Election Day.”
Secretary of State: “What?!!! [Shakes head] I need an idea that does not jump the shark just yet! [Frowns] On the other hand... [Pauses] Those internal polls are very bad for us... [Pauses again]
I will still put this idea on the list. I am sure the Administration has an alien invasion plan cooked-up as a last resort for something already. But I do not know if they want to use such a plan for the Midterms or save it for 2024."
Election Fraud Team: “Putin again meddles in our elections by conducting a cyber attack that takes out our State’s electric and communications grid. This will delay counting for extra days or weeks.”
Secretary of State: “Hmmm… [Pauses] This is a very interesting idea, and there were convenient power outages in Detroit during the 2020 elections. Supposedly, voters got turned away from voting in person. Even if Putin did not cause those power outages, some people still blamed him for them. [Pauses again] And power outages will stop or delay vote counting as you cannot count votes in the dark. [Pauses to think]
The idea has the added benefit of potentially starting World War III as we can claim the Russians fired the first shot - like at Pearl Harbor. If a big world war starts quick enough, it stops us from ever finishing a vote count that is not going correctly!
However, something this big will need to be coordinated closely with the Administration and national security apparatus. And there are no guarantees the Russians will play along as they have yet to fall for all of NATO's other provocations.
Ok, I think that is enough brainstorming for having an election Great Reset. Aside from the usual election fixes, here are the new ideas I have on the list to propose to the Administration:
Have Monkeypox sufferers spread the disease at Wal-Mart, Cracker Barrel, and Chick-fil-A to ensure a pandemic by Election Day. Then we cancel both voting and the dropping of ballots off in person to force MAGA domestic terrorist voters to use the mail.
To vote in person, you must be tested for and fully vaccinated and boosted for both COVID and Monkeypox.
We eliminate all smaller precincts in favor of super precincts or big vote counting centers.
We let voters vote in person or turn their ballots in where ever they want.
We eliminate most precinct committee positions and make them appointed positions like they just did in Arizona.
We run out of paper ballots in MAGA precincts and steer stupid MAGA domestic terrorist voters to a paperless voting machine.
Encourage or have MAGA domestic terrorist voters go postal at a polling place on or before Election Day or stage an ‘insurrection’ at a vote counting center.
Prevent suspected domestic terrorists or those already on domestic terrorist watch lists from being poll watchers.
Ignore any court order from a Trump judge for as long as possible.
Replace the little old ladies working at polling places and counting the votes with drag queens who look like they have Monkeypox.
Install bigger drop boxes and have them on every street corner.
Do what downstate Illinois did during the 1968 elections when Nixon won, wait for all the MAGA precincts to tally and report their votes first.
Have a few election offices or vote counting centers mysteriously catch on fire like food processing plants.
An alien invasion or Roswell New Mexico incident happens on or just after Election Day.
A cyber attack blamed on Putin takes out our State’s electric and communications grid, stops voting or vote counting and starts World War III.
Many of these ideas will need to be closely coordinated with the Administration, public health authorities, the FBI, and/or ANTIFA. I will submit them to the Administration and let you know the next steps. Hopefully, these ideas will lead to a Great Reset for how elections are conducted and make our State's elections great again!
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